A Father's Day wish for paternity leave

The first few years of having kids can be charitably described as an intense orientation. It’s taken me some time to process the experience, and I’m starting to feel a little more comfortable sharing some opinions on the topic. One opinion that has grown on me is that it is time to increase access to paid paternity and maternity leave.

Right now only about half of American workers qualify for the limited benefits of the Family Medical Leave Act. We fit into that breakdown fairly well, I qualified for FMLA and my wife didn’t. In conversations leading up to the birth of our girl I also came to realize that many people don’t understand that FMLA provides only unpaid time off. Like most couples we had to use a combination of vacation, sick time, and unpaid leave for our babies. In addition, my wife could have legally been fired for not showing up to work when she was recovering with the baby. Now we both kept our jobs and were financially ready for the event, but not everyone has that luxury. Many people deplete all vacation and sick time which limits their options for caring for needs that the baby might have in the coming months.

Even a lot of young and healthy mothers won’t have the capacity to work for a couple weeks leading up to the birth. Many are prohibited from walking up stairs for six weeks after a birth. You can have a great plan for the finances and timeline of having a baby, and that can all get thrown out of the window within five minutes of seeing a doctor. Starting a family and a financial crises at the same time can lead to years of debt and consequences. Why not take some steps that can keep young families out of financial crises.

I also think that it is important for fathers to take real time off. I remember the day before we went to the hospital someone trying to tell me that I was planning to take too much time off of work and pushing me to change my plans. On most days, an insensitive comment wouldn’t have affected me much. But I was really hurt by that at a time when I was under a lot of stress and uncertainty. I felt like I really stood out for taking more than two weeks off. Fathers should take time off, caring for a newborn and a mother is important. There are many in my generation that are spending more time playing and caring for their children, and that is something we should be proud of, and fight for.

Let’s get families started with a little less stress, and a little more financial backing. There are many countries that have figured out how ways of supporting paid leave, and we can put reasonable limits on the program. This is not going to drive companies out of business and it’s not going to lead us to socialism. I think it is time to make paid family leave a reality.

My husband is wise

My husband is wise.

We are celebrating 13 years of marriage and 18 years together. I love him. I adore him. I can't imagine my life without him and I am grateful to my 16 year old self for talking to him at a leadership conference.

We were recently talking to a friend at the beginning of a relationship. I put him on the spot and asked for his perspective on advice for relationships. Here's what he said:

1) Be with someone you like to do things with. 

A lot of life is doing things together, spending time together and talking. Find someone you like to talk to and want to spend time with. The best couples we know enjoy one another and the most awkward ones don't like to talk about the same things. It really helps if you enjoy some mutual hobbies and agree on where to spend some discretionary money. For example we both enjoy photography. If one of us didn't, it would be a lot more difficult to wake up early for the best light, take interesting diversions or spend $1000 on a lens. We both have our own things that take time, energy and money. We tend to bike and golf apart, but sometimes together. We like to travel. We like to eat out and try new places. We vacation similarly and don't like to sit around all day. Being comfortable with being together makes like easier.

2) Make life interesting.

Life is short. Don't be dull. Do interesting things. Go interesting places. Meet interesting people. Try new things.

3) Sometimes it won't be your turn, but do it anyway and do it without complaining.
Chores and household responsibilities will never be equal and they probably can't be.  With all sorts of responsibilities in life, it will not be your turn to do the dishes or change a diaper or go to a child who has awoken in the night. Do it anyway and don't complain. It will be more pleasant for everyone and make life better.

I am totally biased toward my husband, and I thought he summed these aspects of relationship up quite well. I hope some others find them useful.

And thanks, dear, for a wonderful, interesting life together. I'm so glad to have found such a wise and good partner.

All Books Review

Last year I decided to read more books. I think I'm a more interesting person when I read books, or at least I sound more interesting to myself as I'm yapping away. These are all the books I read with a brief review. For those who keep track 7,937 pages in total.


NON FICTION

The Guns of August - Barbara W. Tuchman	The folly of the opening month of the first World War. Highly recommended.
An Illustrated History of The First World War - John Keegan	Don’t look down on a good picture book.
The Great Influenza: The Story of the Deadliest Pandemic in History - John M. Barry	Full of interesting rich detail that resulted in me reading aloud to anyone nearby.
A Briefer History of Time - Stephen Hawking	One of the best science books that I have read. Hawking makes the case that the study of physics needs more ordinary people, philosophers, and religious leaders to discuss the meanings and implications of our understanding of the universe.
Quantum Theory A Graphic Guide	Until I find something better I will recommend this quick reference to quantum physics.
A short history of nuclear folly - Rudolph Herzog	A short and shocking book to destroy your belief in the likelihood of our continuing existence.
The Signal and the Noise - Nate Silver	I think Nate Silver was trying to write the next Freakonomics, instead he illustrated why some people should stick to writing a blog.
The Rise and Fall of Ancient Egypt - Toby Wilkinson	Ancient Egypt is often portrayed as a mystery. If you make it through this 600 page book you will see through the mysteries.
Manias, Panics and Crashes: A History of Financial Crises	This book jumps between events spread across continents and centuries. But it does reinforce that there is nothing new under the sun. Crisis and Government intervention/bailouts are very common.
The Hubble Wars - Eric J. Chaisson	Instead of trying to build a sense of wonder in our universe, Chaisson focuses on airing out his personal anger with NASA. Writing a book is not a replacement for a therapist.

FICTION

The Cuckoo’s Calling - Robert Galbraith	Rowling spins a top notch crime mystery. I was guessing down to the last page.
The Silkworm - Robert Galbraith	Another great mystery, but a little heavy on the depravity.
We Have Always Lived in the Castle	A spooky classic that made me want to spend more time talking with literature critics.
Diamonds Are Forever - Ian Fleming	James Bond is a well written character, pour yourself a drink and dive in.
The Long Earth - Terry Pratchett and Stephen Baxter	This is good concept Sci-Fi, examining what would happen if suddenly everyone could easily move between a limitless series of worlds.
The Long War - Terry Pratchett and Stephen Baxter	A good follow-up, but the long war actually never happens.
Betrayal: Star Wars (Legacy of the Force) Bloodlines: Star Wars (Legacy of the Force) Tempest: Star Wars (Legacy of the Force)	Three Star Wars books, slightly amusing.
The Laughing Monsters - Denis Johnson	Apparently one of the best pieces of literature in 2014, I’m just not sure why.